I AM A RUNNER!

Fixed and Growth mindsets are terms I was introduced to this past week. When they were explained to me I understood, identified with and realized I used them on a regular basis. However I never knew they were a categorized "thing", and that I had the power to conscientiously choose to use one or the other. For those of you who like me, may not be familiar with them, the definitions are as follows:

Fixed Mindset - Our character, intelligence, and abilities are set and innate
Growth Mindset - Our character, intelligence, and abilities are fluid and can be developed

In simpler terms, a fixed mindset is limiting while a growth mindset is limitless.

Three years ago my husband and I decided to train for the Indianapolis Mini Marathon. It is a 31.1 mile race the first week of May. It was late February and I was not a runner. I mean really ... I had never run even a mile in my life. So I found a training program called "Couch to 5K" and decided to give the running thing a try at the St. Patrick's day race and started my training. I will never forget the first day of training. I had to run for one minute. I thought "this is going to be a breeze!" I mean how hard could one minute of running be? Well at 50 seconds when I was dying, and wanting to hit the "stop" button on my treadmill I found out how hard it could be. I remember watching the timer count up the seconds 50, 51, 52, "how can I be in this bad of shape?" ... 53, 54, 55, "Do I really have to do a full minute or is this close enough?" ... 56, 57, 58 "Oh my gosh I'll never be able to run a 5K (3.1 miles)" ... 59 "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this" ... 60 [slams hand on the STOP button]. "I am never going to be able to run a mini marathon if I can't even run 60 seconds without wanting to die."

That my friends is a FIXED MINDSET. "I'm not a runner", "I'll never be able to do this", etc.

However, by March 17 we ran our first 5K and while I didn't run the entire time, I ran more than I expected and finished in less than 1 hour which was my personal goal. What is interesting about this story is that in preparation for the mini marathon we decided to run 16 races in 2016 to include not one but THREE  mini marathons in our city. We trained daily, ran races most weekends and really built our stamina. But the one thing I never trained was my mindset. I continued to say "I'm not a runner."

I didn't think anything about it until this past week when I learned about fixed and growth mindsets. You see while I accomplished my goal of running 16 races that included three mini marathons I continued to believe the fixed mindset that I was not a runner, and guess what happened after the 16th race?! You guessed it, my mind had overpowered 9 months of running and training and convinced me that I still was not a runner.

But I was! I was a runner! I ran every day and each race I improved my time. That is the very definition of not only a runner, but a pretty effective one. My speeds weren't fast, but I was RUNNING!

Last night as I got into bed, I was thinking about this fixed mindset and determined that I was not going to allow it to take residence in my head any longer, I went to my long unopened dresser drawer with my running clothes in it, go out pants, a shirt and socks. I then went to the closet and got my dusty but well used running shoes and put them all on the foot of my bed. I set my alarm for 1 hour earlier than usual and went to bed.

I have to admit, when the alarm went off this morning I did not want to go run. I wanted to stay in bed and relax like I had for the past three years, but I did not want to let the fixed mindset limit me any longer. So I put on my clothes and shoes, grabbed my phone, headphones and went out the door. The pace wasn't fast, and the process was challenging but I did it! I ran 1 1/4 miles straight without walking at all and I felt GREAT!  Well actually, I felt exhausted, but that was GREAT! The best part is that I am still way ahead of where I was when I started training three years ago and 60 seconds was an eternity while running.

I wonder what fixed mindsets do you have that are limiting your character, intelligence and abilities? I encourage you to identify them, face them head-on, and then allow that mindset to grow to limitless potential.


Mary

Want to know more about Fixed and Growth mindsets? Read "What Having a 'Growth Mindset' Actually Means" by Carl Dweck  https://hbr.org/2016/01/what-having-a-growth-mindset-actually-means

Do you have control of your life, or does it have control of you?

If I had been asked this question prior to the last few months I would have felt that I was in control.  My children are all grown, out of the house, and doing well.  My husband and I both have successful jobs that we love.  We can do what we want!  We were in control!  Right?

Well ... as long as what we want can accommodate a 1 hour commute each way daily from our home three counties away from our work.  As long as what we want includes enduring the stress that rush hour traffic in Indianapolis brings.   As long as what we want includes the fact that any time we want to do things with friends in either our home or work location, we know it will mean extra travel, expense, and time for us.  Ok, maybe we weren't all that in control.

You see we had a beautiful truck that had all the "bells and whistles" you could want, but we couldn't justify the expense of driving it all that much.  We had a more cost effective car we dud drive, but no amenities with it.  We have a beautiful home on 11 acres of wooded land that we love but rarely get to enjoy due to our schedules.  We loved the things available to us downtown near our work, but lived too far away to really enjoy it.

We finally came to the realization that while our lives were certainly more free than in times past, we were still controlled by many of the "things" in our lives.  This week was a pivotal time for us as we addressed the issues, talked about our options, discussed what we were willing to get rid of, and what we weren't.  What we decided was that change needed to happen.  However, with compromise we could get control back in some areas, without losing everything that we love.  Changes were made, sacrifices were made, decisions were made final.  Was it scary?  Only initially.   However, once the decision was made, the result has been a more relaxed, calm, and "at peace" feeling than we have had in a long time.  

Change is never easy.  It causes us to alter what is comfortable and familiar and causes us to do something that hasn't been tried before.  What if it doesn't work?  You will have one less thing on your list to try!  What if we hate it? You will have learned something new about yourself! What if we miss our old life? You can always change back, or try something different next!

But just consider for a moment, the possibility that this change can give you your life back!  Imagine the short and long term implications of that on your health and wellbeing. Think about the possibilities it could give. Then boldly go where you have never gone before, and dare to do something different.  Take control of your life!  You only get one life to live, and you want it to be the best one possible.

I know I am, and I can't wait to see how it changes me, my husband, and our lives moving forward.

Why do we learn?

As I am approaching the end of my Masters in Adult Education degree, I have found myself asking "why".  "Why" did I decide to go back to school?  "Why" am I planning to start my Doctoral program in September?  "Why" is learning so important to me?  To be honest, when I decided to return to college in 2009 to complete my Bachelor's Degree, my answer would have been "just to prove I can!"

However, after 41 months straight of higher education with no breaks, I can tell you that my answer is now much different.  The reason I continue to learn is because I am constantly wanting to improve myself.  I never want to become "satisfied" with where I am in life.  I want to be moving forward in every aspect of my life.  From my learning to my career, to my physical fitness.  I don't want to be a single dimensional person who is only academically educated, but a person who is well rounded and grounded in all areas of their life.  I firmly believe that when you stop moving forward, you rarely stay in the same place.  Instead, you begin to fall backwards.  I have worked very hard in my life to get where I am today, and I never want to go backward. 

Have you ever been asked the question "Would you like to go back in time and relive your 20's?"  I have, and my answer is always NO WAY!!  I never want to go backwards, because the reality is that we probably wouldn't do one thing differently.  Besides, all the choices we made, and the lessons we learned from them have helped to shape us into who we are today.  I don't know about you, but I'm pretty happy with the 49 year old me!  I'm smart, I'm confident, I'm educated, I'm experienced, I'm grounded and most of all I'm happy because I CHOOSE to be happy!

I wonder, if I asked you today "Why do you learn" what would your answer be?

Why is our vision distorted?

I was recently doing a bit of "Pinterest surfing" when I saw the above photo.  The article was actually about how to control bloating, but I was so struck by the photo that I didn't even read what it said.  What I noticed was that this is EXACTLY how we as women see ourselves.  The image in the mirror to our eyes is much different than the image others see.

We are so critical of our own bodies that we can't seem to see the way we really are.  I am fortunate enough to be married to a man who sees my beauty, both inside and out.  However I have to admit that most of the time he tells me I look "amazing" I simply assume it is blind love rather than a true assessment of my appearance that day.  However after looking at this photo, I am beginning to see things differently.

While I don't think that I will ever think I look "good" in the mirror, I hope that looking at this photo will remind me that I am often my own worst enemy, and greatest critic.  I need to stop looking at the image in the mirror and look at the person others see in me.

Living in the age of Technology

I can remember when my husband and I bought our very first desk top computer. We lived in San Angelo, Texas, and I drove all the way to Sam's Club in Abilene to purchase it. It was so exciting! We got prodigy.com internet service and had some ridiculously long number (that I could never remember) as our user name. To be honest, it was little more than a typewriter and computerized solitaire game for us back then.

WOW ... how times have changed!

Now I can't imagine life without technology. I use it to stay in touch with friends all over the world through facebook, I have completed my undergraduate studies and now my Masters Degree with it, and I'm utilizing it at this moment to share the random thoughts that I put into this blog.

However it goes so much deeper in our society today. I recently purchased the iPhone and now I'm even more connected to technology. I check my facebook and email more times than I can count in a day, I make phone calls and send text messages, skype, play games, download and read digital books, search the internet, keep up with my favorite sports teams, watch movies and so much more. This made me realize that in the past 21 years I have become COMPLETELY dependent on technology in my daily life.

Some of you may be thinking "too dependent", but even if you don't utilize it as much as I do, you might be surprised to realized how much you are dependent on technology as well. How often in a week do you use an ATM machine, utilize the "self check-out" station at your favorite store, swipe your credit/debit card when paying for items, or "pay at the pump" when purchasing gas? Or when was the last time you checked your bank balance online, purchased something online, made a payment over the phone or renewed your drivers license/license plates online? Weather we like it or not, we live in the age of technology and are slowly becoming acclimated to it.

Maybe I'm moving into it at a faster pace than some, but mark my words ... we are heading there. Rather than fighting it, we might as well learn it, embrace it and utilize it to make our lives easier. It is here to stay. I use to say that I didn't like change. As a bit of a "control freak" that has OCD issues as well, change made me uncomfortable, primarily because I couldn't control it. However as I get older, and hopefully wiser, I am learning to be less rigid in my love of the status quo and am trying to embrace whatever comes my way.

The years we have on earth are ones of lifelong learning.  No matter how simple or subtle the learning may be, we are learning something new every day, and it will impact our lives from this day forward.

So I ask you ... what have you learned today?

Realizations on the way home from Starbucks ...

I was thinking about my time as a parent and how I felt that each stage I was in was the hardest one yet. 

For example, when they were newborns, I would pray that they would outgrow the sleepless nights so I could get some sleep myself. It seemed so hard to function with so little sleep, especially with multiple children. 

Then they became toddlers and were sleeping through the night, but were so busy and required so much of my personal attention and help.  I would pray that they would grow up enough to just have some independence of their own, so I would regain a bit of my own freedom during the day. 

As teenagers they finally had the independence I had been praying for, but I found myself desiring that they would gain the responsibility and maturity necessary to use that independence most successfully.  Once again I was losing sleep, but this time worrying about them and the decisions they were making.

Then, one day you're driving down the road on your way home from Starbucks and you realize that you are standing on the threshold of the hardest part of parenthood you have faced so far.  It is the moment when you realize that all your prayers have been answered and your children are strong, independent and successful. 

Now its time to do the hardest thing ever ... you have to step back, and let them go.

It reminds me of the words to a song by Mark Harris called "Find Your Wings".  The lyrics say:

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

Because it's the hardest thing I've ever done as a parent, I'm sure I'll have tears as they take off.  But know one thing for sure; I will be the one cheering the loudest as they fly to new heights away from me. 

Textbooks that teach ... and those that DON'T!!

In my graduate studies, I am taking a Research class this semester.  I am not a scientific person by nature and to say that this course intimidates me is a HUGE understatement! But taking it I am!  I wish I could tell you that as soon as the course started all my fears and apprehensions were put to rest, but ... no such luck.  In fact, after reading the first chapters in the required text, I was even more confused and fearful than ever before.  The text made absolutely no sense to me and I was then certain that I was never going to be able to pass this class, or receive my degree. (ok ... so maybe I panicked just a little!)  But I can tell you that I was dreading this class more than ever. 

However, I then began to read some of the "optional" reading that was required and discovered a fascinating thing!  The very same information was being discussed, but I actually understood what the author was saying!  It was all still very new to me and something I had little to no experience with, but I could at least understand what was required and how it was to be accomplished.  This got me to thinking ...

Why do so many authors of college text books seem to simply want to impress their peers with their vast knowledge?  I mean really ... if a person has to read the paragraph 2-3 times to even have a rudimentary understanding of what they are trying to say, I feel they have failed!  It is so daunting as a student to begin reading the course text and feel as though you are completely unequipped to understand it.  I'm not saying that text books should be "dumbed down" in order to make it easy, but if you as an authority on a subject can't get your point across in a way that your readers will understand you are wasting your time.  I feel that too many text books are written with colleges in mind rather than students. Just as in my case, the same information was being presented, but one was actually understandable, while the other was not.  I reminds me of the type of person who talks and talks and talks just to hear the sound of their own voice, but no one around them understands what they are saying!  It is a waste of time for the person listening, and a waste of breath to the one talking!  While I will continue to muddle through the required text, I can assure you that I will be purchasing the other text so that I can at least understand what I need to know to pass the class.

I hope to write a textbook one day, and when I do I hope that I will keep the students who will be reading it and trying to understand the topic at the forefront of my mind at all times.  I have no interest in impressing my colleagues, but rather in helping adults to learn new concepts in a positive way that will help them grow in personal confidence as well as subject matter.  If I ever get the book written, I hope that the students comments after the course will be "This book helped me understand the information so much better!" rather than, "Wow ... I'm glad that I don't ever have to open that book again!"